What was, What is, And What if

This is an accountability letter to myself.

Writing this blog post has brought me out of my funk -Bye Bye Depression- 

WHAT WAS,

The past I would say, is the least significant of my theory, a very futile endeavor. Worrying about the past is a useless pastime. The only relevance I would attribute to this concept is the opportunity to learn from a lived experience. I fail to see any other justification that would bring me to the relevance of it. 

WHAT IS,

My natural disposition is to leverage my NOWs. An impeccable skill I developed to be in control of my life and deal with the anxiety of daily living. There’s a gentleness I’ve savored from my NOWs, a deep sense of immense control and tranquility. My version of thinking of my NOWs was planted on the soils of instant pleasure and instant relief- a swift avoidance-

This concept tremendously changed my life, but let’s discuss why it is also detrimental to my growth. 

Ultimately, our sense of control resides in the present moment alone, our only realm of influence. We have no power or sense of control except for our NOWs. I've frequently pondered the boundary between embracing the present and contemplating the future at the same time.

Knowing that my NOW determines the product of my future NOWs.

I have often shared my frustration with a lot of people about the concept of delayed gratification and the complexities of the concept. I just don’t like the concept of having to wait for a desired outcome in the future that is based on the determination of my luck.

There’s also a lingering anxiety attached to delayed gratification that makes me uncomfortable. The struggle doesn’t matter, everyone sees the results. There are no merits on how much you have struggled or worked but failing to determine what is important to you not just for now, but with the constant in your future NOWs, is more terrifying to me because I have a deep fear of underachieving and underperforming.

I have a popular saying “No one can make me do what I don’t want to do”, I say this boastfully to allure at the fact that I have control of my life and I am aware of my autonomy. I have lived my life always doing exactly what I want to do as long as I am not being wicked or unfair to anyone - as you all should know by now, I hate wickedness- but well the young shall grow, and new relevant knowledge will always change my mind about certain things.

Although this has been my truth, there is a strategy I developed to help me participate in things I don’t want to do but have an obligation to do. I am aware that not every experience in your life can be blissful. I convinced myself that every experience in my life had to be blissful, or at least comfortable. I just refused to believe in any sort of hardship or stress. When faced with unpleasant experiences that I cannot avoid, I indulge myself in the principles of neuroplasticity, forcing new adaptability skills. I gaslight myself into enjoying and relishing the tiniest bit of enjoyment I can get from the experience, or savoring the joy from my future result, which is entirely a good strategy but where it gets tricky, is when I have to participate in unpleasantries based on an obligation to myself only, because I have the privilege of choice.

Steven Bartlett discussed a little on RADICAL ACCEPTANCE with Mo Gowdat, on his podcast,The Dairy Of a CEO. The entire concept of unpleasantries began to make more sense to me. Life is a perpetual and constant engagement between different forces.

Of course, the concept should’ve been a lot clearer earlier in my life, cause I mean I’ve known the saying by Heraclitus “Change is the only constant”. But the acceptance of the duality of life is what many of us struggle with. There is a huge sense of control accompanied by the radical acceptance of life’s uncertainties.

A bad experience or many bad experiences does not mean our life is horrible. And many good experiences do not mean the bad experience will not BE. 

WHAT IF,

WHAT IF, is the second most important concept of my theory. I think there’s a deep sense of awareness, control, self-reflection, and thought processes that go into WHAT IFs, it’s a planning strategy. Although my reservations about delayed gratification persist, this is a concept that has continuously yielded. WHAT IF assembles all the concepts, the concept of WHAT WAS and WHAT IS. 

It is our restoration of hope. I do not mean WHAT IF, in correspondence to the past and regret, but I mean, WHAT IF in correspondence to what could be. It represents not just a positive speculation about the future, but a strategic approach to aligning present actions with desired outcomes.

A powerful concept that can align our regrets of the past, and the implementation of change for a more desirable outcome. Now, this is also a new concept in Chidera’s dictionary. I have found planning so uncomfortable for so long but it’s time for me to leverage my NOWs for my future. Learning aligning my NOWs with my WHAT IFs. 

Contemplating the future gave me the creeps sometimes- lol- not because of any incapabilities or misfortune that I assume may occur but my obsession with instant gratification. I am now navigating the intricacies of prioritizing my present, and my future. Not being a planner has stressed me more than it has helped me, so this blog post is an epistle to me, that I NEED to get better at planning, and that is where the false-real control lies.

I use the term, False-real, because based on life determinism we do not have control over anything.

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash