The Beauty In The Chaos

Primal to our being, companionship rests within us as a compulsive desire. 

Women, the maestros of camaraderie propel trends at a speed that could challenge a caffeine rush. In the grand symphony of life- our ways are very similar to that of a copycat-we're all harmonizing to the tune of each other. 

Our affection for company and relatability runs so deep in the veins of our shared experiences. I remain extremely astonished at the striking similarities we all share, emotionally, biologically, and physically.

The term "hood" in Sisterhood, is quite literally a cover in my opinion, If I would imagine the word as an object, I would assume it to be a blanket, it feels like a blanket, it feels like warmth, it feels like a hug. When we employ the word “sisterhood” to express our connections with close friends or those we share deep relationships, it conveys a sense of protection. My explanation might seem overly detailed or even irrational but I deeply consider its essence as a word of safeguarding.

Exemplified, we have maintained a synchronized follow-up to a lot of trends. The most popular at the moment, “I’m just a girl” became a worldwide phenomenon, a rallying cry of our shared struggles and feelings about hard work, it also deeply signified our understanding of each other as women in ways that words defy. 

There is also “girl dinner”, “hot girl walks”, Pilates also surged in popularity in recent times, evolving into more than just a fitness routine, it became a lifestyle. In the ever-flowing streams of trends we create, there’s so much more we participate in willingly, that connects us to girlhood. We are consistently drawn to engage in trends and activities together, an undeniable sameness that unites us all.

A huge glaring lack of positive outcomes has yielded from patriarchy and misogyny.

Absolutely undeniable that the phenomenon has caused great levels of harm to women all over the world but I occasionally find myself reflecting and wondering, that there’s a subtle irony in recognizing its unintended contribution to our unity as women. In my musings, I wonder if we would still share this level of intimacy and understanding if patriarchy did not exist.

In the orchard of our shared struggles within a patriarchal society, we have more common grounds for bonding. It’s a popular affair that there’s a deep connection and most times fair share of laughter intertwined with trauma bonding- our shared experiences of girlhood - 

we see each other, we hear each other, we understand each other, in ways men could never fathom.

Our bathroom meetings have offered unforeseen opportunities for connection with strangers, feeling safer when you notice a woman in sight, and our cheeky and over-exaggerated expressions about things.

We are our own life forces, a single friendship can save you from the rot of your life, that’s how powerful our union is.

Despite our beautiful camaraderie, a notable contingent persists in proudly differentiating themselves as "not like other girls”, exerting substantial effort to underscore their distinctiveness. Of course, I am aware that we are obviously not all the exact same people, with exact same personality traits, but in the case that this is mentioned, I blame patriarchy. I always say that a lot of us need healing, healing from this patriarchal society that has wreaked havoc in our minds about our identity.

A persistent saying by men "You are not like other girls" often seemed like a compliment a lot of women would embrace, it made them feel special and accepted by the ones we were meant to live for and serve - lol, I got salty there, patriarchy and misogyny make me salty- 

But anyway, this never applied to me, my detest for misogyny and patriarchy steered up in the depth of my soul as a growing child in Nigeria, there is no type of hardship you would not see women go through in that country. I was a smart kid so my awareness and alertness peaked early. I noticed the disparities. My dislike for men at their core intensified as I grew older, but over time, I've understood my anger and redirected my energy towards positive pursuits. I focus on acknowledging that good men exist, I will know them, and I will be familiar with them. 

I've evolved from being an angry feminist to a more balanced perspective on the disparity.

Once, a man asked me why women always backstab their friends and are usually very malicious in friendships, he said this with such confidence and disbelief that genuine female friendships exist. I disputed with him regarding the fact but he persisted in his stance. I was so triggered by this question for so many reasons. My point was not heard, and I just wanted to scream I blame patriarchy! -The privilege that accompanies patriarchy for men, often obscures them from many issues existing in their surroundings- it really is the root, the main reason why perhaps, an ample amount of women have been conditioned to view each other as rivals. There are many odds against us with a lot of things in life, I find it extremely redundant engaging in such conversations, especially with men. Patriarchy/Misogyny exists and it affects women everyday in every way you could and couldn't think possible.

The presumed acrimony often associated with every female friendship saddens me. Our friendships are meant to feel like such a weightless commitment. 

While recognizing the inherent differences among women, labeling most female friendships as malicious is far from accurate, it is simply not veracious. 

Friendship dynamics can be rather ambiguous. I can understand the factors that might lead people to such conclusions. Albeit, It is reasonable to expect more from mature individuals. it is also crucial to acknowledge the numerous factors that are actively and gravely contributing to the complexities of these relationships, and the challenging societal landscape for women, but a lot of us prevail. 

I do not know how I went from talking about female friendships to patriarchy and misogyny but e make. 

I have also decided to write the explanation for pidgin English used in my writings for those who do not understand, so you don’t miss out on the fun.

E make - it makes sense.

Photo by Olesia Bahrii on Unsplash